Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

I’m scanning pictures from albums that my mother threw out & came across the picture of my first Christmas.  In one of them, I’m being held so that I’m sitting on presents.  She wrote on the back, “Our best Christmas present.”

This kills me.  It reminds me that there was a time when I was her little girl, when I was the daughter that she wanted, when I hadn’t disappointed her yet by living my life, my way.

It hasn’t been that way in years.  For the past 10 (or more), it’s been court battles and voice mails talking about how she she’ll be there when I die & that she wishes that she could be the one to make it happen and emails where she equates me with Charles Manson.  It’s been years of her trashing me to every member of the family that she can, and turning them away from me.  

There are times that she’s nice and, for a moment, it’s possible to pretend that things were like they used to be.  Those are the times that she’s gotten what she wanted, which almost always includes having hurt me somehow.  I never forget though.  I always remember the hell that she’s put me through.  I have to remember.  It’s my protection from the next attack.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers and fathers doing mom-duty, especially to my wonderful grandmother and mother-in-law, who have shown me what a mother’s unconditional love is supposed to be.

To the psychotic, sociopathic bitch that gave birth to me, sod off.

Last week, I got a call about a job with the same company I’m with, but in San Antonio instead of Charlotte.  Not having much to do in my current position, I talked to my boss about them sharing my time with the San Antonio office.

On Friday, my wife was offered a job that she really wanted.  So, I withdrew from consideration for the position in San Antonio.  It really wouldn’t be right to ask her to move only a few weeks after starting her new job.

Today, my boss tells me that they’re very interested in the time-sharing.  Essentially, they’d like to get out of paying me for 40 hours a week when I only work maybe 15 minutes of the week.  I’m a little nervous about their reaction when I tell them tomorrow that I’m not going to San Antonio.  Really hoping that they’re still up for me staying through July.

All that said, I did some really productive today.  I applied to Georgia Southern’s online program.  Starting Fall 2011 semester, I’m going back to school in pursuit of my Bachelor’s degree.  Eleven years have passed since I graduated with my Associate’s degree and thought it’d only be two or three years before I went back to school.

Not having the degree has started to impede my career progression, so I’ll be working to change that.  I’m excited about it!